英语小故事1一2分钟,英语小故事1一2分钟简单

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英语小故事1一2分钟幽默

Talking clock会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock," the man replied."How's it work?""Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall,"Knock it off, you idiot! It's o o'clock in the morning!"一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓,甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了,那是一个会说话的钟”,学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”,他的朋友问。“看着,别眨眼了”,那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲聋。突然,他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫,“别敲了,你这***!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”这是第一篇~ A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says:"God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says:"A penny", then the man says:"God, what is a million years to you?" and God says:"a second", then the man says:"God, can I have a penny?" and God says"In a second"一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse es up to the first man and says,"Congratulations, you got ins." The man said"How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse es up to the second man and says,"Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like"Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the"3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse es up to the third man and says"Congratulations, you got ins x2." Man is happy and says,"Ironic, I work for the hotel"4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered,"What's wrong? I work for 7up"!四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"呵呵,一个比一个效率高.英文幽默三字经人之初:at the begining of life.性本善:sex is good.性相近:basically,all the sex are same.习相远:but it depends on how the way you do it.苟不教:if you do not practise all the time.性乃迁:sex will leave you..教之道:the way of learning it贵以专:is very important to make love with only one person.昔孟母:once a great mother, mrs meng择邻处:chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.子不学:if you don't study hard,断机杼:your dick will bee useless.窦燕山 dou, the famous有义方 owned a very effective exciting medicine教五子 all his five son took it名俱扬 and their sexual ability were well...英文幽默三字经人之初:at the begining of life.性本善:sex is good.性相近:basically,all the sex are same.习相远:but it depends on how the way you do it.苟不教:if you do not practise all the time.性乃迁:sex will leave you..教之道:the way of learning it贵以专:is very important to make love with only one person.昔孟母:once a great mother, mrs meng择邻处:chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.子不学:if you don't study hard,断机杼:your dick will bee useless.窦燕山 dou, the famous有义方 owned a very effective exciting medicine教五子 all his five son took it名俱扬 and their sexual ability were well-kown.养不教 if your children don't know how to do it,父之过 it is all your fault.教不严 if they had lots of problems with it,师之惰 their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex.子不学 you may refuse to study this非所宜 but that is a real mistake幼不学 if you don't learn it in childhood,老何为 you will lose your ability when aged玉不琢 if you don't exercise your dick,不成器 it won't bee hard and strong.人不学 if you don't learn sex,不知义 you can by no means enjoy its sweetness second language a mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. she watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. mother mouse barked fiercely,"woof, woof, woof!" the cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life. mother mouse turned to her babies and said,"now, do you understand the value of a second language?"一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步,突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。母老鼠向着猫叫道:“汪,汪,汪”,猫听了非常害怕,拼命跑走了。母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说:“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”

有哪些英语小故事(要短,1、2分钟演讲)

Big Head

“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”

“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head.Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”

“Where's the shopping bag?”

“I haven't got one,use your hat.”

大脑袋

“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑,”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说:“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”

“别听他们的,”他妈妈安慰说:“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了,别哭了,去商店买10磅土豆来。”

“购物袋在哪?”

“我没有购物袋,就用你的帽子吧。”

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother."How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger,"but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained,"Obviously he was painting the pictures."

父亲在哪儿?

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”

“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗。”

求一个1分钟能背完的英语小故事。。

英语小故事:

One day, the river a strange thing happened, a lot of people in the salvage of shishi drowning, but how also can not find. At this time, a man named xu xiake child said, as long as the river and go up, can find the stone lion. Shishi indeed found, everyone praised the intelligent child. He is grow up to be the great geographer and traveller xu xiake.

译文

有一天,江边发生了一件怪事,很多人在打捞落水的石狮,却怎么也找不着。这时,一个叫徐霞客的小孩说,只要溯江而上,就能找到石狮。果然石狮找到了,大家都赞誉这个聪颖的小孩。原来他就是长大后成为伟大地理学家、旅行家的徐霞客。

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